Harry Potter and Some Old Dude's Rock
by to0easilyamused
Summary: Join young Harry Potter in his quest that invovles some old dude's rock. Painfully dumb, readers have been warned.


**Disclaimer :** Unfortunately, I am not JK Rowling; therefore I do not own her wonderful story. Furthermore, I love her story and thus feel the need to poke fun at it. OH! And the first sentence belongs to JKR!! I know that, you know that, I'm just borrowing it and I give her all the props. In case you didn't understand that: **THE FIRST SENTENCE DOES NOT BELONG TO ME, IT BELONGS TO JK ROWLING**. Thank you.  
  
Sorry if this totally sucks. You know, I could really care less cuz I just wanted to do this. But please r/r.

Ch. 1  
  
Mr. and Mrs. Dursley, of number four, Privet Drive, were proud to say that they were perfectly normal, thank you very much. Except that they weren't normal. No you see, they had a dark and mysterious past that has a lot to do with Martha Stewart being in jail, but that's not what this story is about. No no, we are here to tell you the story of little Harry Potter. {cough} Anyways, Mr. Dursley got up and went to work where he was a big jerk and apparently he lacks observational skills because he failed to notice the swarm of owls pooping on the cars in the parking lot outside his window. He did, however, manage to see a cat sitting on the corner of Privet Drive and he freaked out, because naturally that's what we all do when we see cats sitting on street corners. (Readers note the sarcasm) So he's leaving his office building and he's being such a jerk that he knocks a poor man over. The man has a slight concussion but still manages to say that he's fine and of course Vernon Dursley freaks some more. He gets home and sees the cat from before sitting on his wall. He almost has a heart attack and rushes inside where it hits him: his wife is bony and a spy, his son is fat and obnoxious, and he has a big mustache and no neck. He sobs uncontrollably and has to be sedated.  
  
{Spooky music} (Man walks across with a sign saying "Late that night") A hundred year old man appeared out of no where and made all the lights go out. He swaggers over to the Dursley's house and sits next to the cat. He begins to talk to it. "You know, I expected you to be here." He says. The cat meows and walks away. "Hmm, was that how that was supposed to happen?" He muses out loud. "No, no sorry!" A sour looking witch hurries over, straightening her hat on her way. "I got stuck in traffic and they had to send in my stunt double. {Shouts to a guy with a clip board} Can we do that last line over?" Guy w/clip board: "No, just go from here, and hurry, Hagrid can't stay airborne much longer!" The lady nods and takes out a script. "Where's-the-boy?" she asks mechanically. Clip board guy: {sighs loudly} We were a bit back but oh well. Dumbledore, just go into explaining how Lily and James are dead and Hagrid is bringing Harry to live with his Aunt and Uncle because they're his only family left. Oh and tell them about Voldemort too, and how he lost his powers trying to kill Harry." "Why? You just did," Dumbledore says calmly, taking out a bag of lemon drops and sticking all of them in his mouth. "Oh, where are my manners!" He exclaims through his mouth full of candy. He pulls one out and offers it to the witch. "Lemon drop?" He asks sweetly. The lady looks disgusted. Guy w/clip board: "COME ON, this scene isn't going right! Cue Hagrid."

Suddenly, a giant motorcycle falls from the sky and crashes into a house causing it to go up in flames and killing everyone inside. Miraculously, a giant man is able to pull himself from the debris and he comes over to Dumbledore and the witch who we suddenly know as Professor McGonagall, or the lady with a plank up her ass. They all sit down with some popcorn the giant pulls out of his coat and watch the burning house for a while. Clip board guy: "THE SHOW??? ON WITH IT!!" "OH! Hey Hagrid, where's Harry?" Dumbledore asks, tearing his eyes away from the fire. "Hrmm..." Hagrid precedes to pull all sorts of crap out of his coat, including a TV complete with DVD and VCR, a hamster cage full of frogs, and a lady selling perfume who immediately begins to show her collection to McGonagall. "Oh, 'ere he is!" Hagrid pulls out a limp baby by its ankle and throws it to Dumbledore who misses. The baby smacks into a tree, giving him a lighting shaped scar on his head. They all walk over to the baby. "Well... Why don't we just tell him Voldemort gave him that?" Dumbledore suggests, picking the baby up and looking at his scar. "Sure why not?" McGonagall says, spraying her new perfume everywhere making everyone gag. Guy w/clip board: {COUGH COUGH} "Okay, {cough} hurry up so we can get {cough} out of here {cough}" McGonagall scowls and goes to buy more perfume. Dumbledore throws the baby and manages to make it on the steps of number four. They all begin to walk away. Guy w/clip board: "HEY! Leave a NOTE?" Dumbledore stops. "Oh, yeah, I suppose that would be nice for them." He writes a note on the back of a lemon drop wrapper and leaves it with the baby. They all leave the baby on the steps, who btw has a concussion from being thrown around.   
Clip Board Guy: "Aaannnd... CUT!"  
  
End of chapter one! Lol, I know it sucked but oh well! r/r!!


End file.
